6 Finales Worse Than How I Met Your Mother‘s

How I Met Your Mother concluded it’s 9 season run on Monday. And boy were a lot of people on the Internet NOT happy with it. Personally? I liked it. I’ve been watching HIMYM (as the cool kids abbreviate it) since “The Sweet Taste of Liberty” in Season 1. I watch the reruns each night on the local CW channel. I own the DVDs. I’d like to think I’m a fan.

Now was the finale perfect? No, but few finales are. I personally think it could have benefited from being 90 minutes rather than 1 hour (so, really, start it the week before) and that would have given them more time to tell the “post-wedding” stories and allow them to breath a little more. That would have helped cut criticism about things like Barney and Robin’s divorce.

But was it “the worst finale ever” and did it “ruin the entire series”? No and no. There were a bunch of funny bits (“Be cool old lady, daaaaaamn”, “But she haaaaaaaaasn’t met you yet, so you haaaaaaave to meet her, think of all the sex you could be haaaaaaaaving”, “Infinity Five”, “Fudge Supreme” and more) and it was really quite sweet. Plus, the show promised to tell us the story of how Ted met The Mother. And it did. It never said that was going to be the very last second of the show. That Ted then showed back up on Robin’s door step, 6 years after his wife passed, with this children’s blessing, and now in his Fifties, isn’t a deal breaker.

It didn’t Zabkatage the entire series, is what I’m saying.

And it’s not the worst finale ever. In fact, I can easily think of 6 that were worse.
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You Say You Want a Revolution ep 18 “Austin City Limits”

“Austin City Limits”

“Nothing will prepare you for when one of your favorites pays with their life.” You gotta real loose definition of “favorite”.

Don’t go down to the bottom, that’s where the spoilers live.

Previously:
*The Patriots are conscripting kids into their army
*And Brainwashing them
*In the most convoluted way possible
*Aaron fixed the Nano-bots’ problem
*Pricilla might be 100% Nano-bot
*But seriously, who puts a mind control code inside your eye lid?
*These are the same Previously as last week, but really, nothing much has changed

Well, I’ll hand it to the promo makers for Revolution. They said they were going to kill someone and they did. Good on you, Eliza Doolittle. And I’m not saying you made a bad choice in your victim. I’m just saying if you were going to kill that person, there’s someone else I wish you would have killed off as well.

And yes, I’m being vague until we hit the jump. Click to the second page, suckas! faithful readers Mom my sister who has to work the “computer box” for my mom, so she can read my “Internet stories”.

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You Say You Want A Revolution ep 17 “Why We Fight”

“Why We Fight”

Aaron Free!

I gave you two extra days so you could get the spoilers yourself.

Previously:
*The Patriots are conscripting kids into their army
*And Brainwashing them
*In the most convoluted way possible
*Aaron fixed the Nano-bots’ problem
*Pricilla might be 100% Nano-bot
*But seriously, who puts a mind control code inside your eye lid?

This episode had some things I really liked (all the stabbings), some things that were just annoying (Truman’s continued “growth” as a character), and some things that were just awful (Gene, Rachel).

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You Say You Want A Revolution ep 16 “Exposition Boulevard”

“Exposition Boulevard”

Now is NOT the time to be “twee” about your titles, Revolution

Nothing to super spoil her. But it might be regular spoiled.

Previously:
*Monroe found his son, Connor
*Connor and Charlie started boning
*The Patriots have done, just a ton, of evil stuff
*Aaron fixed the Nano-bots after 43 minutes of padding

Okay, I’m going to back-track a little bit. The first half of this season was EXCELLENT. That’s right EXCELLENT. I knew it was good, compared to the first season, but I didn’t realize HOW good it was until the second half of season 2 started. There has been one good episode (maybe two, I didn’t see “Fear and Loathing”) out of the seven so far.

Secondary Spoilers: This wasn’t the other good episode
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You Say You Want A Revolution ep 15 “Dreamcatcher”

“Dreamcatcher”

You owe me one hour of my life back, NBC.

Woof.

Previously:
*Monroe and Monroe Jr were taken prisoner
*Which forced Charlie to recruit Lady War Clan to save them
*Which allowed Monroe to get the men he needs to overthrow The Patriots
*But they only answer to Charlie
*Julia Neville was taken prisoner
*Which forced Tom and Jason to join up with Miles and Rachel
*But it was just a front to capture Monroe
*So now they’re all in a stand-off
*Aaron and Pricilla were lead to Lubbock, Texas
*Where their programing friend Peter is faith-healing people through the power of Nano-bots
*But the Nano-bots are dying
*So Aaron offered to fix them
*But it was all a ruse

What a turd of an episode. Just an absolute turd. But there was ONE good thing about it.

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You Say You Want A Revolution ep 13 “Happy Endings”

“Happy Endings”

That title just reminds me that Happy Endings isn’t on the air any more :(

How have you survived this long, being this stupid?

Previously:
*Aaron travelled to Spring City, OK where he was reunited with his ex-wife and, briefly, Grace (hey, Grace!)
*Aaron and Pricilla were then directed by the Nanobots to head to Lubbock, TX or risk Death by Tree Crushing
*Tom Neville was found out by The Patriots
*Julia Neville was found out by The Patriots
*Jason Neville was found out by The Patriots
*Aaron Neville sang like a beautiful angel
*Miles, Monroe, and Rachel all found Monroe’s son, Connor
*The Patriots gave all the Unclean People Typhus via Oranges
*The Patriots gave Doc Porter Typhus
*So Monroe and Miles gave Patriot Commander Truman Typhus
*THAT’S the Chicago Way

This episode was a big ehhhhhh for me. Probably an ehhhhhh minus, if we’re being honest.

And it has nothing to do with Rachel and Miles finally hooking up.
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You Say You Want A Revolution ep 12 “Captain Trips”

“Captain Trips”

Ben Edlund did not help with this script

SPOILERS BELOW. THEY’RE SPOILERS EVEN IF YOU SEE THEM COMING

Previously:
*Miles tried to rescue Monroe
*Rachel tried to rescue Monroe AND Miles
*Miles, Monroe, and Rachel all rescued Monroe’s son, Connor
*Aaron was reunited with his wife
*And Grace was there
*People are getting sick in Willoughby
*Because of The Patriots?
*Because of The Patriots
*Tom’s not sure he can trust Julia
*Julia’s not sure she can protect Tom
*But it’s Jason who takes the fall for breaking into The Chief of Staff’s office

After a strong episode last week, this week’s Revolution spends the hour moving pieces into place for, well, I would have assumed the next few episodes, but I’ll get to that rant at the end. Right now let’s focus on who’s getting moved where.

As I like to do, let’s get Aaron out of the way first. It’s been two episodes since he arrived in Spring City, Oklahoma to find Grace and Pricilla, his ex-wife who he abandoned in the woods a decade ago, waiting for him. Grace must get paid by the minute, because she’s not even around to say good-bye in this episode, leaving a note to explain her departure. Don’t worry fans of Grace, I’m sure we’ll see her in the last three episodes of this season, just like season 1, followed by another 10 episode hiatus. Grace is gone, but Cynthia’s back for Aaron. Or, more accurately, the Nano-bots in the form of Cynthia are back. Now they want him to go to Lubbock, Texas. Why? I don’t know. I just know that Pricilla doesn’t want to go back to Texas. So she’s all ready to walk out on Aaron when the Nano-bots nearly drop a tree on her and change her mind. Boy, that is a good message. “If she won’t do what you told her, just resort to violence.” So “Mom” and “Dad” are off to Lubbock. This is exactly like when Aaron used to play Legend of Zelda as a kid. If he was terrible at Legend of Zelda and just went from screen to screen wandering around and not collecting any treasures.

Also returning to Texas are Rachel, Miles, Monroe, and Connor. They immediately find Aaron, Charlie, and Doc Porter are missing. Rachel and Miles want to find them, Connor wants to split, and Monroe comes down on the side of Team Matheson. Monroe explains to Connor that if they’re going to get the Monroe Republic: Part Deux off the ground they’ll need The Butcher of Baltimore’s help. Why Monroe thinks Miles will join him, I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how it blows up in his face. For the time being, The Band is back together. The Band quickly finds The Patriots quarantine camp and Rachel walks in to help her father and daughter. So now we’ve got Rachel, Charlie, and Doc Porter working in the camp, and Miles, Monroe, and Connor hiding on the outside. It doesn’t take Rachel long to get suspicious about the Typhus infections (she must have seen last week’s Next Time On) and a little bit of snooping uncovers that the disease isn’t spreading from person to person. It’s being given to them. Why? According to Rachel “they’re trying to make the town pure.”

Le sigh.

I asked you back in “Patriot Games” please just don’t make The Patriots Nazis. Was that too much to ask? To just leave Godwin out of this? Paul Grellong helped write both “Patriot Games” and this episode. I’m not saying he’s pro-Nazi. I’m just saying he’s the common denominator.

Doc Porter soon comes down with Typhus as well, so Miles, Monroe, and Connor break into Willoughby to try and find the antidote. When that doesn’t work they take Truman hostage, infect him with Typhus, and order him to take them to the antidote. Connor is volunteered, as the only member of The Gang not currently on a Wanted Poster, to take Truman into town to get the medicine. Things quickly go south, and Connor ends up in a stand-off against three armed Patriots, with Truman as his hostage.

Meanwhile, on “The Neville’s Go To Washington”, Julia and Tom are trying to figure out how to get Jason back. There’s a trio of flashbacks involved, but the gist is Julia will distract you with sex and then Tom will slit your throat or shoot you in the head with a shotgun. That was it. I know I harp on this every time there are flashbacks, but it’s because the flashbacks are So Bad, you guys. So bad. If they’re not padding the run time, they’re retconning the story. If they’re not retconning the story, they’re providing justification that doesn’t justify anything. If they’re not providing justification that doesn’t justify anything, they’re giving you bad wigs. So Julia and Tom try plan Sex on the Chief of Staff to find out where Jason is and when that doesn’t work they go to plan Violence. Julia and Mr. Chief of Staff are having dinner with friends. Julia will leave a door open for Tom so he can break in, kill the friends (social acquaintances, is perhaps more accurate, all things considered), and then force Mr. Chief of Staff to take him to where Jason is being held. As soon as the classical music started playing as Tom approached the door, I knew something was going to go wrong. Either he’d be ambushed, or Julia sold him out, or she’d be dead. So it wasn’t a big surprise that Tom found himself staring down a regiment of Patriot guns while Mr. Chief of Staff held Julia at gunpoint. I’ll give the Chief this, he certainly figured out The Neville’s not-very-secret relationship pretty quickly. Though it’s also pretty paranoid to have your own wife tailed. No one gets dinner, and Tom and Julia are dragged off in separate directions to no doubt be tortured.

So there you have it. Lots of pieces getting moved into place. Now the rant I promised earlier, because according to The Next Time On, none of this means ANYTHING. We already know Connor escapes, because he’s wandering around New Vegas with Charlie. We know that The Gang gets out of Willoughby because they’re also wandering around New Vegas. Tom shows up out of nowhere, so he makes his escape easily enough and just happens to LUCK his way across the country, I guess, to find them all. I’m guessing the faith healer that Aaron and Pricilla run into in Lubbock is Peter from last episode. So yay, another character.

Oh, and Miles and Rachel are finally going to have sex. Because that’s what we’ve ALL been clamoring for. These are possibly the last 10 episode that will ever exist of Revolution and Miles and Rachel knocking boots is really that much of a priority?

So glad this episode existed to set up NONE of those exciting developments.

Thoughts:
*So, were The Patriots injecting Typhus into the oranges or not? How could they make sure only the Un-pure ate the oranges?
*How is Typhus supposed to make Willoughby more like Guantanamo Bay? Does anyone in the writing room know what Guantanamo Bay is?
*Monroe’s look when Miles noisily opened the door into Willoughby was pretty classic
*Looks like Doc is as good as dead. You made it 12 episodes Steven, that’s more than most
*Tom shot that guy, in the head, with a shotgun, while his head was RIGHT next to his wife’s head. Insurance Adjusters do not play around

You Say You Want A Revolution ep 11 “Mis Dos Padres”

“Mis Dos Padres”

Who left this GOOD episode just laying here?

SPOILERS BELOW. ALL CAPS

Previously:
*Monroe, Miles, and Rachel went to Mexico to find Monroe’s son, Connor
*Connor promptly sold his dad out to his crime boss
*Charlie and Doc Porter found some oranges
*Poison(?) oranges!
*Aaron went to Spring City, Oklahoma
*Because of the Nano-bots
*Oh, and Grace was there. Hey Grace
*Tom and the former Mrs. Neville schemed in Washington D.C. to get her new husband more power

Ben Edlund was brought in between season 1 and season 2 of Revolution to help tighten things up as a “Consulting Producer”. Edlund and series creator Eric Kripke knew each other from Kripke’s last show, the still-on-the-air-because-God-Bless-the-CW Supernatural. Edlund has written for Supernatural, The Tick, and Angel so with that pedigree I’m excited to have him now taking a more active hand in the series. He has a co-writing credit on “Mis Dos Padres” so I’m giving all credit for what I enjoyed tonight to him. Sorry Rockne S. O’Bannon, you get all the blame for the Aaron stuff.
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You Say You Want A Revolution ep 10 “The Three Amigos”

“The Three Amigos”

Well, that was certainly a NEW episode.

New Year. All New Spoilers.

Previously:
*Monroe found out he had a son and needs Miles’ help finding him
*Miles needs Monroe’s help because his hand was broken and then became infected
*Aaron could control nanobots, heal himself, view people remotely, and set people on fire
*But he couldn’t stop his girlfriend Cynthia from being killed right in front of him
*Rachel has been staring. A Lot
*Charlie is official 26
*The Patriots are up to …something… evil
*Tom Neville’s wife isn’t dead
*But she is married to another man
*And his son may still be brainwashed by the Patriots

The mid-season premier picks up only a few hours after the events of the mid-season finale, as the Patriots explore the abandoned school and find the charred remains of Dr. Horn and the Patriot assault team. They were all killed by the nanobots under Aaron’s orders at the end of “Everybody Says I Love You” after Dr. Horn shot Cynthia. A bit of an overreaction? Perhaps, but she was the first person to put up with his “Sad Uncle” routine in 10+ years. Burning all of those people to death must have really taken a lot out of Aaron, because he looks 20-30 pounds lighter than he did earlier that day.

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You Say You Want A Revolution ep 9 “Everyone Says I Love You”

“Everyone Says I Love You”

An episode that’s pretty good, then kinda weak, then hilarious, then good again, then predictable, then hilarious, then okay. And then done for several weeks.

Why beat around the bush? You knew what you were getting by coming here. SPOILERS

Previously:
*Aaron died, but didn’t
*Monroe died, but didn’t
*Jason was brainwashed, but isn’t (but might be)
*The Patriots are here to help America, but they’re not. Dr. Horn especially
*Miles had his hand broken and now it’s infected
*Neville is a schemer, Rachel is a wreck, Charlie is in her mid-twenties, and Gene is a Patriot

When Season 2 of Revolution started 9 weeks ago I wasn’t convinced it was going to last the season. With the dipping ratings, it’s still not a certainty it will make it to May. A three week hiatus after only 9 episodes isn’t, in my mind, the best route to take, but if the people that scheduled Community, 30 Rock, and The Tonight Show starring Conan O’Brien think it’s a good idea, I don’t know how it can go wrong. So, how does Revolution end what’s been a surprisingly strong run of episodes?

… I’m not really sure….
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